Before coming to my first RLI conference I felt like a depressed, broken, hopeless mess. Simply put, I hated myself and lived in constant fear of failure. I couldn’t understand how anyone would possibly want to be around me. My mind was continuously tormented. It would replay things I had done, things I had said, how I looked. There was relentless accusation of being stupid, ugly, unworthy of love, and on and on and on. Sometimes it was an onslaught of mental torment and I felt like I wanted to scream and pull my hair out. Other times it was subconscious and a moan would escape my lips like an automatic reflex and I would realize that my body was physically reacting to the enemy’s attack. Fear of failure paralyzed me from truly living life. I have a degree in art education but I didn’t use it because the fear of failure was too strong, the risk of rejection too great. It was horrible, I felt like I was barely surviving life.
That first conference I learned just how much God loves me, but more importantly to accept that love and to know that I am worthy. I am His precious daughter, His beloved creation whom he adores. I left that conference such a changed person, so much baggage and heaviness gone. The torment completely stopped and it was replaced with the love and peace of God. There was so much change that I hardly knew who I was or what my purpose in life was.
During my second conference I knew that God wanted me to learn to trust Him with all that I am and all that I have. Boldness and confidence began to grow as I started working outside of my comfort zone allowing God to work through me. I started creating art again and speaking life and love into those I spent time with. I realized that I had beautiful things to offer this world.
My third conference was about learning to claim the authority I have in Jesus. After that conference things really began to change physically. My back was so much stronger and much less painful, my CPAP machine settings for sleep apnea were reduced, I came off of my thyroid medicine, and my food allergies are all but gone.
God has taken me on a beautiful journey to reclaim my life and learn to live “all in” for Him. He yearns to go on that journey with each one of you. Will you join Him? I promise you, you won’t regret it.